Stripping Off with Matt Haycox
Welcome to 'Stripping Off with Matt Haycox,' where we bare it all on business, money, and life. Get ready to peel back the layers of success with entrepreneur, investor, funding expert, and mentor with over 20 years of experience building and growing businesses, Matt Haycox.
Tune into steamy conversations with industry titans, celebrities, and successful entrepreneurs as they strip down their stories of triumphs, setbacks, and the raw realities of their journey to the top. Matt is going down on business, money, and life, and will take DMCs to new heights!
Stripping Off with Matt Haycox
The Secret to High Performance: Why Settling is Destroying Your Potential
Tell us what you like or dislike about this episode!! Be honest, we don't bite!
In this episode of Stripping Off with Matt Haycox, Matt sits down with JP de Villiers, a world-renowned high-performance coach specialiSing in clarity, purpose, and conscious leadership. With over two decades of experience, JP has guided top leaders toward achieving fulfillment and inner peace. His incredible journey—including recovering from a near-fatal accident and living as a Buddhist monk—has profoundly shaped his unique coaching philosophy.
As JP says, "Life is a mirror. If you take care of yourself 60% of the time, you’ll accept 60% in every area of your life. Demand more from yourself, and everything around you will change."
What You’ll Learn:
The Dangers of Compromise – Settling for less hinders both success and happiness.
Harnessing Your ‘Why’ – How leveraging personal motivators builds resilience under pressure.
The Power of Environment – Create surroundings that align with your values and foster growth.
Formula for Happiness – Balancing contentment with your current state and future aspirations.
Radical Self-Respect – Recognize your worth to unlock true fulfillment and peak performance.
Key Takeaways:
- Avoid Compromise: Settling is self-neglect; strive for excellence in all areas of life.
- Identify Your Core Motivators: A strong ‘why’ enhances resilience and performance.
- Curate Your Environment: Surround yourself with influences that support your goals and values.
- Balance Present and Future Contentment: True happiness involves satisfaction with where you are and where you’re headed.
- Practice Radical Self-Respect: Acknowledge your inherent worth to unlock fulfillment.
Connect with JP de Villiers:
▶ Website: https://www.jpdvperformance.com/
▶ Instagram: @jp_de_villiers
Connect with Matt Haycox:
▶ Website: https://matt-haycox.com/
Subscribe for No-BS Business Tips and Millionaire Advice: https://nobollockswithmatthaycox.beehiiv.com/subscribe
Share this episode with anyone looking to unlock their full potential!
Who Is Matt Haycox? - Click for BADASS Trailer
Are you ready to unlock your full potential and take your business to the next level? I’m Matt Haycox—entrepreneur, investor, mentor, and your go-to guy for no-bollocks advice on business and personal growth.
With over 25 years of experience building and funding businesses across industries, I’ve faced it all—wins, losses, and the ultimate comeback story. Through my podcasts, No Bollocks with Matt Haycox and Stripping Off with Matt Haycox, I cut through the bullshit to bring you real, actionable strategies and raw conversations with entrepreneurs, celebrities, and industry leaders.
Whether you’re looking to scale your business, secure funding, or avoid the mistakes I’ve learned the hard way, my goal is simple: to help YOU create YOUR success story.
Want more? Subscribe to my No Bollocks Newsletter and get weekly insider tips on entrepreneurship, strategy, and business growth—because learning in 10 minutes is way better than wasting years on an MBA.
Ready to make moves? Let’s go—your success starts here.
Welcome to Stripping Off with Matt Haycox, where today's guest is a regular guest. He's been on the show five or six times, I think, already. It's JP de Villiers. He's a peak performance coach, an endurance athlete, a no-nonsense motivator, and he's a very good friend of mine. Jp's story of resilience, self-love and unapologetic refusal to settle for mediocrity has made him a powerhouse in helping others to reach their full potential. And in this episode, jp reveals why compromise is the enemy of success and how self-worth and a strong environment are the keys to living an extraordinary life. So if you're tired of settling and you're ready to demand more from your life, this episode is for you. Jp's in the house my most recorded podcast guest ever. I mean, I'm not counting, but I think we've also done five of these now've done a few.
Speaker 2:I'm so honoured man. I don't know why you keep bringing me back, but I'm really grateful.
Speaker 1:Well, we met on a podcast, we became friends we became friends from a podcast and now we've I mean, I remember recording in my house in Leeds. We've done multiple ones here. We've recorded on a ski trip we the first one was in- London in your penthouse apartment it was when I showed up and you were naked. And four or five years on, nothing's changed, right.
Speaker 2:Now I realise this is just who this guy is at the core. He's just naked in every way. Yeah, so happy to be here, man.
Speaker 1:But I love with ours that there's no let's say there's no effort. You know, like I mean I don't even have my laptop, I don't have any notes or whatever here, just because I know our conversations, just you know they just flow and there's always. You know, you've always got so much good, good advice to drop and stories to tell and yeah, it's just effortless conversations. I love to learn from them. Everybody else gets value.
Speaker 2:So so let's do it, let's talk away and likewise, you know, obviously we say we've been on many podcasts together, but also you've been on mine. You know you've come to my events, you've done lives with me, spoken to my, my groups, and it's always the same both ways, like I don't need to plan anything, we can just fucking let it rip and let's just see what happens. So let's go.
Speaker 1:So the biggest I guess change or most exciting event in your life since we've last recorded is you've had a baby. Yes, You've had a baby, and she is almost as old as Nelly. I want to say what is she? 15 months.
Speaker 2:What's 12, 13, 14, 15, 16?
Speaker 1:months, 16 months, and I mean, obviously it was kind of on the QT in the beginning and then she became a little bit more public on Instagram and now she's on your, your instagram more than more than you are.
Speaker 2:I'm expecting to see her do some burpees, give some advice, bro. It's funny she actually when I do burpees at home she tries to copy me no, no, it doesn't, she just eats.
Speaker 1:But, um, I guess let's, let's talk kids, let's talk about how, how it changed your life, because I know you'd always wanted kids. I think it's always a funny thing, people wanting kids, because I always wanted kids as well but we say we want them, but we also don't even know what that means, because it's one thing seeing somebody else's kid or enjoying having a cuddle with somebody's kid for an hour, but it's obviously materially different than having your your own. So how does now having a child compare to what you thought it was when you said I want a kid in?
Speaker 2:my life bro well, first of all, like respect to everyone that can't be in this position, but my life hasn't really changed much because of having a full-time nanny, which I'm sure you appreciate as well. It just just makes it very fucking different. Could I have done it without a nanny? I don't know, I really don't know, because it requires she, he, they require your attention all the time. But I went into this almost contractually, if that's how you say it, saying that we will only do this if we have a full-time nanny. So my life hasn't really changed that much in terms of, like, what's expected of me. But in terms of the joy in my life, like I've never, I feel quite emotional when we're just getting started. I've never experienced joy like this in my life and I remember being like 23, 20 years ago, visualizing having a daughter and I don't know why it was a girl it was always a son for me.
Speaker 1:I was gonna have a little boy to train up and then I got punished. I got punished by having daughters as my karma.
Speaker 2:so in my 20s, I would tell people that I can't wait to be a father. And I would tell people every day I visualize not every day, but I always visualize my daughter holding my little finger. And 20 years later, from when I first envisioned that, that's now become a reality and it's just the best feeling, Like when my daughter reaches out for my hand and just wants to walk with me. It's like, greater than anything you know running ultra marathons, medals, certificates, flying in private planes and like there's nothing that compares to that feeling and she's become our greatest motivator and so I was going to say you know your why and you know, I guess, why.
Speaker 1:Motivator, you know same, same same kind of well, but putting probably not the same word. In a way, I guess you know there's the motivation you have and then there's the reason you do something, but people always talk about their kids and their family being their why. Well, not everybody talks about that, but some people say that their family or their kids are their why. What does that mean? I mean A. What does it mean to you, because I know you very much say the same thing about Mila, but what does that really mean to people? When you have a why, and how do you use it to motivate and focus?
Speaker 2:I often say that. Obviously, I coach mostly executives and business owners and I always say to them skill is not enough. There's a reason why not everyone can win, and that's because psychology trumps skill. And what gets you to not just win when you're playing at the top level. But what really matters is how you thrive under pressure when you're playing at the top level, but what really matters is how you thrive under pressure when you're having the kitchen sink thrown at you, when you are in the valley, when you are feel like you're sinking.
Speaker 2:You need to have very strong psychological skills and one of the things that you can always depend on is why do I need to keep fighting? That's it. So when you are in a boxing ring to use that as a metaphor what gets Tyson Fury to get up is his why. What, hopefully, will get Mike Tyson to beat Jake Paul is his why. It's never the how, it's always the why. Because the how has to do more with strategy, technique, with your plan, whatever you've set out in front of you. But sometimes life punches you in the face. To Mike Tyson, you know you're going to get punched in the face and you need to have a strong reason to get up and keep fighting and I call that spiritual fitness, like some people just don't have it, but can it?
Speaker 1:can it be money or does it have to not be money A hundred?
Speaker 2:percent. I'll tell you something I love a luxury lifestyle. I love freedom. Freedom is my highest value. But money has never been a motivator for me. I could quite happily for the rest of my life fly private with you or go on another friend's yacht and do all things, and I don't need to be, I don't need to own any of that shit. I love the lifestyle, but money has never been a motivator for me until I had my daughter. Everything fucking changed for me.
Speaker 2:My first ever coach said what's your number? I was like what do you mean? He was like you got to have a number 10 million. I was like man, I just want to inspire loads of people. I don't care about the number. If my life matches the effort that I'm putting in, I'm happy. I don't care how it comes to me, but since having my daughter, money is my greatest motivator. So actually you said it's the same, but it's not the same. My daughter is my.
Speaker 2:Why Money is my motivator? Because I just want to give her the best fucking life. I had so much scarcity growing up and the result of that was watching my parents suffer every month, watching them with no month at the end of the money, watching them always complaining, going to a job that they fucking hate and then just drowning away their sorrows in alcohol. I refuse to give my daughter that life. Like even now, nurseries take kids from two years old. Generally, I've already got her in an incredible university that's at a private school level in terms of like thailand, what you will pay in thailand. Because I want the best life for her, I want her to speak fluently in english and thai, because she's half thai by the age of her being two, and I want to put her in the best school throughout her school career. I don't want to put in a normal school. I want to put in a school that, like, supports her values and drives her towards her passions, etc. And I can't do that with namaste you say her values.
Speaker 1:How do you decide now, as a parent with someone who's got very strong values yourself the one that's immediately springing to mind is being a vegan how do you decide, when she's allowed to develop her own values? So I don't eat meat, as you know. Um, I, I don't have moral reasons for not doing it. You know, obviously I don't want to hurt animals, but you know, that's not why I don't do. I just don't eat meat because I stopped at school 30 odd years ago and just never really got back into it. But both, both harley and nelly I've never, I've never bothered what they did.
Speaker 1:You know, harley's gone through periods of being a vegetarian. She's gone through periods of being a vegan. She's gone through periods of eating nothing but spaghetti bolognese, and you know I don't want to cook it for her because I don't really like touching meat. But you know she's in a restaurant and she orders a spaghetti bolognese. I don't care what she does. Now, maybe the answer is just my, my values aren't strong enough in that, in that, in that respect. That's why I'm not hammering home to her. But how, how does that impact on you?
Speaker 2:and you know, where do you, where do you think the difference between yours and her values come in that's a very good question that I'm sure a lot of people are wondering, and hopefully it'll give a lot of value to people that are parents. I can't force her to do anything and I won't. The only thing I can do is be the best guide to her, but I do strongly believe that if it's under my roof, it's my rules and I got brought up that way. My stepfather, who was my father for most of my life he was a military man and that's how I grew up. My roof, my rules. It doesn't mean that you have to be aggressive. You can be loving and kind and compassionate, but it's my house, my rules. So I had an agreement with her mother which was I won't force her to be vegan, but I'm not going to have animal flesh in this house, okay, so she's at home, she eats vegan.
Speaker 2:if she's at a friend's house, vegetarian vegetarian, I'm okay with milk, I'm okay with cheese. Let her grow up the middle way and obviously I was a buddhist monk for a while. In buddhism there's a thing called the middle way. Teach her the middle way. Teach her about love, kindness, compassion, uh, humility, uh teach her about, uh, being kind to animals, etc. And then let her choose. At some point she is going to say I don't want to be vegetarian because I want to be vegan, or I want to be vegetarian, I enjoy it, or I want to eat meat. I fully respect her. That's her choice. But until she has the consciousness and she starts questioning why am I eating this way and do I want to eat in a different way, she's fully free to do that. But until that point, it's my house, my rules.
Speaker 1:What do you think now you're a parent yourself. Some of the biggest mistakes other parents make are or. And also, why do you think so many highly successful people have such terrible relationships with the kids?
Speaker 2:Coaching for 20 years. I've seen many of these people just work, work, work, go home to a miserable relationship and I can't fucking understand why people settle for a life where they say I have to go home to the wife, like I've just never understood that from as as early as I can remember, like you don't have to do anything. If you have that kind of energy and intention around your relationship, why are you even in it from the female perspective sorry, a male perspective thinking of their, their wife? I have to go home to the ball and chain, like that's the message that you're sending to your children, so that to answer your question, first of all, I don't get that, but the the answer to your question is people just compromise. People don't believe that they can have anything that they want. And I just don't compromise in any area of my life. And it starts with yourself. When you live a life or you train yourself and condition yourself to live a life that is without compromise, it filters into other areas of your life. If you are literally every day saying I know I'm the fucking best version of myself that I can be, you're going to start looking at other areas of your life and saying where is this not congruent and where is this not aligned to how I'm living internally, and you'll just start looking at your relationships differently. Like I have coached people through divorce. I'm not a divorce coach, I'll never want to be a divorce coach. It's hardcore work, it's emotional work, it's. You know it's quite like sometimes you need a break after coaching someone in that area. But I've coached people on divorce without talking about the divorce. All I've done is get them to build themselves up through fundamentals, through habits, through sacred rituals, to a point where, when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. So when you change the way you see yourself, the way you see your life, changes. And then you realize, actually I don't accept this anymore. Like why am I putting up with this for so many years? So the short answer is people just don't fucking love themselves enough If you loved yourself enough.
Speaker 2:I hate the word compromise. I hate it and every person tries to tell me you need to compromise. But every person that's ever told me I need to compromise doesn't have a life that I want. I can look at their happiness. I can look at their energy. I can look at their rituals, their habits. I can look at the belly fat around their stomach. I can look at how much they pant when they're running next to me. I don't want your fucking life, so don't tell me to compromise. I love myself enough to not compromise. And if I have to go through battles to not compromise, if I have to suffer to not compromise, and if I have to go through battles to not compromise, if I have to suffer to not compromise, if I have to go through challenges in my life and business relationships, not compromise, I'd rather choose a life without compromise than a life that is less than the one I know I can have.
Speaker 1:So that's the short answer is people just don't love themselves enough, because if they did, they would demand more from their relationship, they would command more from themselves and they would never settle and, and it's that answer presumably why people are so happy to be out of shape, why people are happy to be, you know, failing in certain areas, that they just don't care enough to fix it.
Speaker 2:No, and it matches their relationship. If your relationship sucks, well, you might as well not be in the best shape of your life. If you're 50% happy in your relationship sucks, well, you might as well not be in the best shape of your life. If you're 50% happy in your relationship, you might as well be 50% happy in yourself, and actually the other way around. Your life is a mirror. Life is not a window. Life is a mirror. So if you take care of yourself 60% of the time, you will accept 60% of everything in your life. It's just that simple. Someone asked me the other day I'd like to talk to you about business coaching. I said I'm not a business coach. Trust me, I'm not a business coach. When I change you and I help you change yourself, your business will change. Everything will change because you change yourself, because life is a mirror.
Speaker 1:Hey, matt, here Just interrupting myself quickly to say thank you for listening to no Bollocks. But did you also know I've got another podcast, stripping Off, with Matt Haycox, very different. No Bollocks is the quick, daily business tactics that you need, but Stripping Off, we go deep, deep, deep with a CEO, with a celebrity, with an athlete, with just an international inspiring character. We find out what makes them tick, we find out how they got to where they got to and we find out how you can learn and benefit from them too. So jump on over to spotify, itunes, youtube, wherever you listen to your content, and I'll see you on a future episode talking about, I guess, business coaching, and you know, obviously, your, your business is the business of coaching you. That the the business of getting people's peak performance out of them.
Speaker 1:You've been living in Thailand for two and a half years spending some time in Dubai, but starting to spend more time in Dubai, and one of the things that we were talking about on the way here is how, when you are in Dubai, clients perceive you differently, opportunities come your way and that, ultimately, being here is better for business for you than being in Thailand. I mean, talk to me about that, talk to me about proximity, talk to me about opportunity and why geography is so important for success.
Speaker 2:I wish I had had this level of clarity two and a half years ago, but I didn't. But you know, everything you go through, you grow through and I've grown so much in the last two and a half years ago, but I didn't. But everything you go through, you grow through and I've grown so much in the last two and a half years. To give a bit of context, I'm from South Africa. I lived there for 20 years. I knew I could be more successful elsewhere. I had a visa through Ancestry to get to the UK. I lived there for 20 years. But then, after getting hit by a car and having a wake up call to life is really short. I was like I love the sun, I love fitness, culture, I love being by the ocean. Why am I still living in the UK, in the middle of England? I was like I just don't want to be here anymore. So I thought, okay, I'm going to move to Dubai, set up my business here, residency everything. To move to Dubai set up my business here, residency, everything. Then I was skiing with you in Austria and it was March 1st two years ago and the borders opened up in Thailand after COVID and I was like what the fuck am I moving to Dubai? For I've loved Thailand for many, many years, so I moved to Thailand.
Speaker 2:In hindsight, it was a very selfish thing for me to do because all I was thinking about, you know, I did go through a divorce, which was tough, and I just was thinking I just want to go live my life. I'd always lived my life for my partner. You know, even I ended up after 20 years in relationships. I ended up with my wife living a stone's throw away from her parents, so I was living her life than I was living my life. But I was always telling people oh, I need to travel loads, I need to travel loads. It's my highest values. I just wasn't happy being in the UK, which is why I needed to travel a lot.
Speaker 2:Now, living in Thailand, I don't want to travel, because I love Thailand so much and also I love Dubai so much. I've traveled to like 20 something countries. Honestly, I don't know if I need to travel anymore. Like, maybe if someone invited me to something, but I don't feel the need to travel anymore because I'm so happy in my environment. But I did it for me. It was me, me, me, me.
Speaker 2:I didn't when I left the UK because maybe I wouldn't have made the move is that I built my entire career on the UK lifestyle Networking, going to masterminds, meeting in boardrooms, going to London, doing city trips. All of that disappeared when I moved to Thailand and, to be fully transparent, my business just went down and down and down and down and down and down and it got to a point where, after 20 fucking years of coaching, I had like five clients and I was like what the fuck happened to me? Like am I not relevant anymore? Is the people think I had a midlife crisis as a, as a Buddhist, buddhist monk, when all I wanted to do was show people how committed I am to studying human potential, human behavior, compassion, et cetera, like what happened? And I just went into this whole like downward spiral, not that people could see, because I have high resilience, I have a powerful, strong mindset, but internally I was like what happened? What happened, what happened? So I just kept going into what I know so well, which is resourcefulness, and I started reaching out to people and the consistent feedback I got was including from my own clients who are business owners, leaders in business, you know, 3 million turnover upwards, you know, to 10, 20, 30 million. They were like none of us want your life in Thailand. And that hit hard because I was like they're right. I've never had a private client of mine say I want your life in Thailand.
Speaker 2:I moved there for me and I realized that if I really am about service, if I really am about impact, about influence, I need to, like Jay Shetty moved from London to New York then, realizing you could be more influential in LA, I needed to go where my clients were, I needed to go where the money was at and I needed to go to a place that could position me in alignment with what my clients think they want, because they think they want status, they think they want wealth, they think they want women, think they want status, they think they want wealth, they think they want women, etc. But what they really want is self-love. But I'm trying to sell them what I know they need, when actually I should. I should be selling them what they want. So I did a trip back to dubai and I was just like I'm just going to go because obviously you know I've spent a lot of time here for the listeners I've. I've been coming.
Speaker 2:It's been my second home for many years maybe eight, nine years and I started coming in. Rather than posting pictures of me topless in the gym, outside on the beach and living this thai life, I started posting pictures of me with the, the buildings behind the fountain, the beautiful architecture of dubai, having successful dinners with successful friends and, just like that, bang, bang, bang bang. Not just new clients, but even old clients that I'd been trying to keep in the loop or trying to keep them working with me for the last four or five years. All of a sudden I'll get like. One guy messaged me it's time for me to re-engage in coaching. It's like nothing's fucking changed. You're still doing the same thing. What's changed is how you've perceived me.
Speaker 2:So, in short, that's a very long answer, but I hope it was valuable and helpful to someone.
Speaker 2:But, in short, your environment is everything and I've spoken about that for years. I've coached on that for years, but I've really seen it at a deep level of awareness and understood it that you can't go to anywhere. If you really want to achieve your full potential, you need to go to the environment that supports and challenges and encourages you to be that best version of yourself and also to be around the people that are better than you, not just people like yourself, it's people that are better than you, and Dubai is just, I mean, abundant for that right. It's the best place in the world, in my opinion, for business, and I love the culture, I love the lifestyle, I love the people.
Speaker 2:But I've been here now a total in the last two months. I've been a total of three weeks. I've had more meetings, workouts with people like us, this morning calls, online meetings, face-to-face coffees, lunches, dinners in three weeks than I've had in two and a half years in Thailand, and also most people not everyone and realizing in hindsight, unfortunately most people go to Thailand for three things To relax, to party and to fuck, and I'm just not interested in those things.
Speaker 1:At least not like Maybe one of them. I'll leave the guess to figure out which one.
Speaker 2:But I'm just. I don't drink alcohol. I don't even drink caffeine anymore or consume caffeine. I don't have any vices. I don't do drugs. I don't drink alcohol. I don't even drink caffeine anymore or consume caffeine. I don't have any vices. I don't do drugs. I don't drink alcohol.
Speaker 2:Like what am I doing surrounding myself or putting myself in the surrounding and actually ended up with me having no friends because I don't want to go out and drink. I just don't want to do it. We're in Dubai. I don't have to do that shit. I don't have to relax on a beach I don't.
Speaker 2:I can go and talk to people about success and business and purpose all day and never, never, connect with enough people. Have to turn away half the people that want to meet me. I don't have to party, even if I do. It's kind of it's more in thailand. You say sabai, it's more relaxing here. It's not like, oh, let's get, you know, messed up and I can just focus on what really matters to me, which is being purposeful and living a passionate life that's driven by wanting to make an impact and I just I connect with so many people at that level here in Dubai, whereas I don't connect with anyone like that in Thailand you mentioned a minute ago, when you were talking about you know, did some of your clients, you know, think that you'd had a midlife crisis and gone to pursue the monk life?
Speaker 1:Obviously, you train peak performance people, whether that could be athletes, that could be business owners. Now, in my mind, there's almost that chalk and cheese between super successful, peak performing business owner and what appears to be a monk. What are the learnings that you get from the monk life that you can translate to help somebody who absolutely doesn't want to be a monk. They just want to be more successful at business.
Speaker 2:I really appreciate this question and hopefully I can clip this out and use it for my own coaching, because I really want people to understand that I only did that for one reason, and that's to be a better coach, to be a better human being and a better coach. At the center of Buddhism is what's called the three poisons, and it's the three things that cause the most suffering in our life. So two and a half thousand years ago it's been around a long time and it's still taught at the center of Buddhism, at the core of Buddhism, to this day. If you learn about Buddhism, the first thing you're going to learn about is the three poisons, and it's the three things that cause all human beings suffering.
Speaker 2:Number one is greed Wanting more of what you want, which means you can never have enough. Number two is anger not wanting what you don't want. So you're constantly pushing things away, which means you're never happy where you are. Number three is ignorance or delusion, which can be. You know there's lots of aspects to that, but I'll give you one example, which is thinking that where you are now, there is no place more to go, there's no place more to grow into, there's nothing more to learn. That ignorance causes your suffering because you are literally settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living. And nelson mandela said there is no passion to be found in settling for a life that's less than one you're capable of living. So ignorance, anger and greed these are the three things that cause our suffering and these are the three things that I do bring into my coaching get my clients to stop needing and to live from a place of healthy want and desire to want to live in their highest values. Healthy want and desire to want to live in their highest values so they don't feel like they're missing anything in their life. Taken from one of my Buddhist monk teachers, I speak a lot about values, as you know, and when I was talking to him about values because I've befriended monks they've stayed at my house, they've come to visit me in Phuket. I'm running a retreat, a conscious leadership retreat, in Thailand. In January the monks are flying in to come and serve my guests. So I've got a very good relationship with them. But I had a chat to them about values and they were like oh, jb, that's very good. And they said basically, I love the way monks simplify everything they said.
Speaker 2:A life without suffering is when your life matches your values. It's that simple. A life with suffering is when where you are and your values are aren't in the same place. So this is when you greed starts to come in. This is when anger starts to come in. This is when you start to become resentful. This is when you start to snap at people. It has nothing to do with those people. It has to do with the fact that you're not happy because you're not happy with your life. So my definition of happiness based on that is based on your vision, your mission, your purpose, your why, your goals, your motivation. Be really happy and fulfilled with where you're heading in your life and why you're waking up every morning. And at the very same time, you've got to be as happy with where you are Like. True happiness means that you show up for the best of yourself and the best for the best of your family and what you want for them and the people that you care about every single day.
Speaker 2:In my coaching, I always talk about 365 lives. We think too much about the past. We think too much of the future. If you live your day like it's a life and that's it. The only thing you can do is your best today. That removes suffering, because you can't have anxiety living in the present moment. All anxiety comes from thinking about something in the future that's going to happen or might not happen, or that you think is going to happen.
Speaker 2:So when you live your life 365 days at a time, you just do your best every day. And if you were doing your best every day, being your best every day to have the best every day, being your best every day to have the best every day, you would just want to live according to your highest values. If I told you you had one day left to live, you would just go do the things that brought you the most joy. You would go hang out with your daughter. You would go hang out with your family, you would call your family, you would go do things that make you really happy. So happiness is being happy with where you're heading and, at the same time, being as fucking happy with where you are, so that tomorrow, if you die and you see your own death happening, you go fuck, what a ride. What a ride, because there's nothing missing. So so, in short, it's their life is aligned to their highest values and therefore they're always clinging to things, they're always pushing things away and they're living in ignorance what?
Speaker 1:what's an acceptable level of unhappiness to um, to be realistic? Because I don't like, you know, people always like to say, oh well, you know, I live my own life on my terms, I only do what I want to do, but the the has to. There has to be some realistic degree of doing some things you don't want to do. Or or you know, even if you're in a happy relationship with your, with your husband, with your wife, whatever, there's always, always bad days, there's bad things, and I know it's a very, let's say, subjective answer. But where do you draw the line at that balance between happiness and just having to do a few things that nobody wants to put the dishes in the dishwasher?
Speaker 2:So I probably have. My answer is not what most people will say, and it just goes on observation from having this conversation with people over the last 20 years I just don't believe in doing shit that you don't love. When I got into personal development, I started to change my own life when I was 23 by the age of 26 27 I had a tattoo right across my chest that said do what you love, love what you do. Because that's what changed my life. I just made a commitment to only doing shit that I enjoy.
Speaker 2:Saying that, however, do I like going to the gym every day? No, I fucking don't. I just don't. Do I like getting up early every day? No, I don't. Sometimes do I want to eat 100% clean meal when actually I could dig into a tub of vegan Ben and Jerry's? No, I don't. So I do believe that sometimes in life you do have to do what you don't want to do, but it doesn't feel like work. It just feels like putting in the work because it's in alignment with your values. So that's the differentiator. I don't believe I can't remember the exact words of your question, like what's the accepted?
Speaker 1:level of unhappiness.
Speaker 2:I just my own opinion is if you don't enjoy it, don't do it. But check yourself before you wreck yourself. Understand that it's not the thing. It's the thing about. The thing Is what you're doing, taking you towards the person that you want to be. If it is, do it.
Speaker 2:Don't be naive, don't be an idiot, don't be a fool. Do you think you're going to achieve the greatest version of yourself in finances, in wealth, in health, in happiness, in joy, in fulfillment, in relationships? I mean, that's just delusional. You know, once again, that causes our own suffering thinking that it's going to be easy. Don't wish for an easy life, wish for a difficult life and then create the version of yourself that you need to be, to attack that difficult life so you can be who you want to be, do what you want to do, have what you want to have. So, in short, who you want to be, do what you want to do, have what you want to have. So, in short, it's look at what you're doing and ask yourself If where you are is point A and everything that you want to be, do and have is point B. If doing the thing takes you closer, keep doing it. If it doesn't, keep take you closer, get out, stop doing it.
Speaker 2:Doing the same thing over and over again, einstein quotes and expecting a different reality is the definition of insanity. If you don't do shit, sorry. If you keep doing stuff and you don't want to do it, that for me, I will say in a coaching context, is child's play Like no one's going to make you change. Play Like no one's going to make you change. Recognizing, accepting, acknowledging and then taking responsibility for this thing doesn't make me better. And ending it or changing it that is grown-ups work. And unfortunately, some adults just aren't grown-ups Like, oh, always complaining about being fat's child's play.
Speaker 2:A leader doesn't complain. A leader finds a solution. So if you're going to be a leader and lead yourself, stop complaining and if something is feeling like hard work and you know, trust yourself, go within yourself. Don't ask other people for advice. Go in meditation, in reflection, in journaling, in silence and solitude. Ask yourself is this taking me towards? If not, get rid of it, eliminate it, Delegate it if you have to and I've just done that over the years. And is my life perfect? No, but I can tell you without any doubt whatsoever. I've written letters to my families and said I do crazy shit in my life. If I die, please don't be sad because I've lived a gangster life. I really have but one thing I know for sure my life might not be perfect, but I just don't have regret because I just don't do shit that I don't want to do and I don't hang around with people that I don't want to hang around with I don't have friends.
Speaker 2:That's a joke, obviously, but I have a very small circle of friends just on that thing about not doing anything you don't want to do.
Speaker 1:You just mentioned a minute ago about getting up early in the gym. I didn't totally understand what you were saying. Because are you saying that? Well, you said do I always wake up and want to go to the gym? No, do I always want to wake up early? No, but is it taking me, you know, closer to where I want to be?
Speaker 1:so I guess what you're saying is I don't want to get up early, but I know getting up early gets me closer to where I want to be. But what, if sometimes? Do you ever sometimes wake up and think you know what fucking I'm going to press the snooze button? 100, right why?
Speaker 2:why do I that?
Speaker 1:Because you want to do it.
Speaker 2:No, because if you're constantly asking, assessing and adjusting, I have a model called AAA self-assess and at any moment you can ask assess, adjust, ask good questions, assess what's a better way to do it. Adjust is just commit to doing it. Some people just want to ask and assess. They never adjust. So if I'm waking up all the time and one day I wake up and I go, I can't fucking do this. Well, what's my goal? My goal is to be the best version of myself, to inspire others to do and be the same. What if I feel that getting more sleep today is going to make me a better version of myself? I have to do that, even if I don't want to do it.
Speaker 2:I hate sleeping. I've want to do it. I hate sleeping. I've hated sleeping my whole life. Because I just love living. Why would I want to be asleep? If you want to sleep versus being awake, your life is seriously messed up. But if you're tired, you need to rest. So I get up. I don't use an alarm clock. I wake up between four, sometimes 3, 30, 4, 4, 30. What?
Speaker 1:time you're going to bed 8 or 9.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so very early. But also I say to my clients, often nothing extraordinary ever happens past 9 pm, unless you're, like you, networking at midnight. But for most people what are they doing after 9 pm? Eating shit, doing shit, acting like shit, just watching Netflix or whatever. So I just don't need that window in my life. 9 to midnight, that's just not a good window for me to be awake. It's not giving me a high ROI, so I'd rather be asleep. And also I don't drink alcohol, so why do I need to be awake then? But yeah, so to answer your question, it's if I need to sleep more, I sleep more and I'm not going to push myself.
Speaker 2:My whole thing is high performance mind, body, spirit. Your mind, body and spirit can't thrive if you're exhausted, like if I have a sign that I'm tired, like my eye goes red or I get a little twitch in my eye because I'm on all the time. I know, thank you, body, I'm listening and I'll go rest. But I would rather go to bed at seven than wake up at six, because for me that is just. I want to be the best role model that I can be, and anyone can sleep in, not anyone can force themselves to wake up early. And I don't tell people to wake up early, but I just share my habits with them. And then my clients say oh man, I aspire to that.
Speaker 1:And I'm like good, you should, I'm so bad with the sleep. I mean I wake up early, but I just can't. I can't sleep at night. I mean like, even now, I mean what, what time is it here? 10 o'clock, 9, 30, 10 o'clock? I mean I'm exhausted already and I know that I know I'm gonna be on till 11 o'clock tonight, 12 o'clock tonight, but I think you're I don't know training the sleep is.
Speaker 1:It's like a skill that I'm lacking bro, if I lived with you you would not have problems sleeping, because one thing I know you don't do, that I've told you for years is to meditate before bed, like if I don't do that I will not sleep, because I can't turn my brain off I think my my issue as well, though, is I mean, I can turn my brain off if it's things that don't particularly matter, but like, for example, like right now in my life as well, I've got so much shit on, you know, a lot of problems, a lot of things that need fixing, also living on a time difference as well. So, you know and I mean I seem to I joke about it, but it's not really a joke I spend 80% of my day talking to lawyers and, you know, fighting in battles, and a lot of this is UK stuff, uk's on a four-hour time difference. So I tend to get up in the morning. I'll probably be out of bed at 6, 6.30. I like to get an hour on my own before the baby wakes up, do some emails, have a bit of planning for the day. I'll play with the baby when she's up at, say, half seven. I go to the gym probably half eight, nine o'clock, and you know my Dubai mornings are quite chilled because, like I said, I'm working.
Speaker 1:My business is mainly UK business. I'm working on that time difference, so I don't really kick in properly until 11 o'clock. You know 11 am, 12 noon, and then I'll work a full day, but then by the time it's, let's say, dinner time and wind down, for most, it's still only 4 o'clock in the UK, so I'm still doing a couple of hours and invariably I'll be stuck in a problem which is going on till 7, 8, 9 o'clock in the UK, which is 11, 12, 1 o'clock in Dubai and I get into bed my head's mangled. It probably takes me half an hour to fall asleep, an hour to fall asleep, and then I'm up 24 hours later, five hours later. I've probably woken up twice through a piss in the middle of the night, and so, yeah, I need, uh, I need some strong sleeping drugs or meditation yeah, I mean, there is xanax, right, I?
Speaker 2:um. I think that you should do whatever it takes to look at yourself in the mirror, metaphorically speaking, and ask yourself what's missing and really hold yourself accountable and responsible for changing that. And if you're missing sleep, or you're missing structure, or you're missing an early morning, anything that you feel should be in your life, that's not. It's just about finding the way to do whatever it takes to make it happen. I have all my life I've been like I don't need pills for anything. My mind is so strong. For five years after my collision with that car, I was on sleeping pills. I'm not afraid to admit that it helped me.
Speaker 1:What was going on? The pain. You couldn't sleep.
Speaker 2:Because of the discomfort first in the body, it was impossible for me to sleep. I would just. What's the word Thrust?
Speaker 1:We don't need to say anything. It's an inside joke. Tossing and turning, tossing and turning. Even that sounds dodgy.
Speaker 2:But then it was the after that my body started to calm down.
Speaker 2:When I got back into fitness, yoga, stretching, everything I was still struggling to sleep and the neurologist that I was working with was telling me that, okay, because you have post-traumatic amnesia, you don't remember it, but your body still remembers it.
Speaker 2:So every time you're going to sleep, this trauma can be activated and sometimes I'll wake up in the morning and I would just be vibrating, like my body would feel like it's in trauma, like an animal shakes after trauma, and I'd be like, oh my God, I mean, this is like two, three years after the collision. So she just told me it's going to take a long time for your hormones to reset themselves where your body believes that it's now safe to relax. So I relied on sleeping pills for a long time and actually it got to a point where they just kept telling me keep taking them, keep taking them, and I was like like this year, I was like it's been five years, like I have taught mindset, mind power, resilience for all of my life, like I'm gonna try something, I'm just gonna tell myself that I'm not someone that needs sleeping pills and I just, like that, just threw the pills away xanax that night never never touched one since how was that first night?
Speaker 2:I slept like five hours as opposed to eight or nine hours, but I wasn't tired because I told myself that I don't get tired. I just said I'm not someone that needs sleeping pills and I just was like like I'm going to play a game, I'm going to see how strong the mind actually is, right the placebo effect, which is incredibly powerful. The research has been done, the tests have been done, et cetera and I was like I'm going to try the placebo effect on me and I'm going to tell myself I don't need sleeping pills and I don't need more than six hours of sleep. And for most of this year, since that day, I've not taken a single sleeping pill Xanax and I sleep on average six hours a night. I train once to twice a day and I just never feel like I'm lacking in sleep.
Speaker 2:But to go back to what you said before, if I ever do feel tired, I will go to bed at 6 pm and actually it's one of the reasons why the mother of my child and me are not together, because our lifestyles are so different. She's a normal human being, I'm not a normal human being. So she wants to be awake till midnight and I want to be asleep. I want to be in a deep sleep by 8 pm. Sometimes I go to bed at 6 or 7. And it's like two different worlds trying to fit in one house. So we had to separate houses. Yeah, so I would love to know, having known you for the, for how many years I've known you.
Speaker 1:I don't even know how many years, but it's been a while well, I've been in dubai for four years, so we must have known he's probably six oh, because I met you just before the accident.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah so yeah, yeah, so it's been six years. What a ride it's been. We have been on many adventures but, like I mentioned to you not on camera before, I don't think it was on camera, but I was saying that I get things from you. We were talking about someone else at your apartment.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Or at your penthouse, and I was saying, oh, I learned from that guy, just like I've learned from you over the years, and I know that all relationships are a fair value exchange. I would love to know what have you got from our friendship? I know what I've got from you and it's many things and as well as just good energy to talk real you know to talk real but there's things that I get from business around you, around branding from you around around you and the courage to give yourself permission to just be who it is that you are. You said to me once I went into a boardroom and forgive me, I'm going to mess up the story a little bit I went into a boardroom and they were telling me like, oh, you shouldn't dress like this. And you were like well, if you don't like the way I dress, why would I want to do business with you? I'll never forget that and I've picked up a lot of things from you over the years. What have you got from our friendship?
Speaker 1:you.
Speaker 1:You always give much more eloquent and detailed that you know detailed answers and responses than me, but I think I think for me it's almost almost just the oversimplification of the fact that it's it's very energizing and inspiring to be around you, whether that's to physically be around you or to watch you from afar, and whether that's, I guess, watching you getting up at 4am and doing your Thai boxing, or whether it's climbing Kilimanjaro stood by your side.
Speaker 1:I mean, we are very different people and we live very different lifestyles, but I think you know, despite, let's say, my journey and my direction you know I've definitely been the fitness that's a big part of my life now has definitely been from your inspiration and I think, no matter which way any one person wants to live, they can always take elements from other people to build what they see as the best version of their self, of which there's no right answer, but it's whatever's right for you. And I just think, from the, you know, from the happiness, from the fitness, from the motivation, from the you know always, you know buzzing perspective, you are, uh, you know, they are the elements that I've either enjoyed watching or or benefited from, trying to take them in some small way into my life and that's awesome, man, and it wasn't.
Speaker 2:I wanted you to pick me up, I wanted to. It's good to know, so I know how I can keep adding value to your life and keep pushing your buttons by taking you to the gym.
Speaker 1:But I think one of the key things that you know for me in what I just said for people to learn from is that it's about taking the right bits from the right people. And you know, especially when it comes to success, people just and this is normally, let's say, from unsuccessful people and I don't say that in a bad way to them but from unsuccessful people who are aspiring to money and they very simply just equate success and money as one and the same thing, and they go oh, wouldn't you love to be Warren Buffett? I'd love to be this person, Wouldn't you just love to be Warren Buffett? That's the first name that comes into my head. I always think, absolutely fucking not. Do I think?
Speaker 1:Warren Buffett is a phenomenally talented investor? Have I got so much to learn from him on the investment perspective? Absolutely. Do I want to live in the same house for 50 years? Do I want to drive the same car, drink Diet Coke and McDonald's three meals a day? Absolutely not. I want to take the best learnings of that from him. I want to take the best learnings of that from her or from them or from the other.
Speaker 1:And the key is you've said a few times in this conversation about knowing who you are and building your best life and whatever the best bits of you are.
Speaker 1:I think that's why it's so important to be surrounded, you know, whether that's physically or at a distance. You know from videos or books or whoever it may be. But have a real variety of different mentors for different areas. And you know, if I look at business, for example, let's take fitness and lifestyle out of it. You know, when it comes to business, you know, know, I've got seven or eight or nine different let's call them mentors, advisors, coaches or whatever you want to say in different areas. And you know, one might be for marketing, one might be for a specific area of marketing, one might be for something to do with finance, but you know, the one who's an expert in something absolutely isn't an expert in something else, and it's always like would you go and ask Roger Federer for football advice? No, and it's always the same in business, People go oh, I'm going to go and pick that guy's brains because he's so successful.
Speaker 1:He's not that guy's made a lot of money and he's made a lot of money in one particular field, but now that's not to say the rest of his life shit, but eight times out of 10, the people who have made a lot of money do not live a life that I would want to have anything to do with.
Speaker 2:I remember you told me once you said that most of the people I know that are wealthier than me. I can never get the same right. I wouldn't swap my life with them for all the tea in China, all the tea in China. Yeah, and I was like success doesn't equal happiness.
Speaker 1:And the effect of the reverse of that is, those people who've got all that money typically say to me oh God, I'd love your life, I'd love your life. How do you do it? And the answer normally is because they're focusing too much on the, on the pursuit of cash for the sake of, for the sake of the cash in it in and of itself. Uh, and you know this obsession with building wealth for generational wealth reasons or whatever it may be and never actually stepping back and thinking I want some happiness in the now. This is just about. You know, I mean, like the people, I'm not gonna name them, and it wouldn't matter if I did. No one would know who they are. But you know, they've had the money long, long, long ago to be able to live the life they wanted to live. Should they choose to live that life, but whether it's because they're too busy wanting to, wanting to make more money, because of the obsession with money, or whether it's because they're they're scared to live that life as well, which is is, is quite often the thing. You know, people don't live the life they want because they they feel that they've got to conform to the people around them. Or, you know we talk. We were talking at the beginning of this conversation about geography and why you know, for example, you didn't like you um, you know, wanted to travel because you didn't like being in England, or you love being in Thailand, or whatever it is.
Speaker 1:I'm sure that most people around the world would probably rather be living in a different location, or could certainly be benefiting from living in a different location to the one that they're in, and invariably there are excuses for why they don't move.
Speaker 1:They're just excuses. Okay, some people may be bound to an area for longer than others because they may have genuine family ties, sick relatives that they need to look after or kids who are in school, or businesses that they own, but even those things, they're not lifelong anchors. I mean, yes, a single know with no commitment to his job can pick up his suitcase tomorrow and disappear and finally get that. That's at the easy end of the spectrum. But even if you've got kids in school and an elderly relative or whatever it may be, you can still be gone in a year or, you know, go and see. Okay, you need a bit more planning than you know, than the single guy with you know, with one. But the excuses that people put around why they're tied to that area or tied to that particular task or event for the rest of their life. It's either bollocks or it's weakness in their desire to move themselves forward, or it's just conforming to what they see as the standards and letting other people dictate their happiness.
Speaker 2:It's so many things. It's fear. It's fear of judgment, fear of whatever, what happens if I'm successful, etc. But it's also to come back to what I said before and not to sound a woo-woo and fluffy but it's just I've studied this for 20 years that they just don't love themselves enough. If you loved yourself enough, you would, would move. But you think, oh, I can't for this reason. And you start justifying your life that is above average, maybe, and you start to say, oh, this is good enough. If you truly believed you were the dog's bollocks, the bee's knees, you were a king, you were a queen, you would never accept anything less than what you believe you can have.
Speaker 2:And to go back to what we were talking about before, about what we get from each other, one thing I absolutely love about you and I've told you this probably twice before in our series of podcasts that we've done over the years is I know happy people that are broke. I know successful people that are unhappy and from when I first met you, you've always been happy and successful and that, for me, is something that is. You don't find that a lot. You know, you see a lot of successful people that are just obsessed with the pursuits and, as a result of that, they're not really present. But I've seen you at a dinner, for example. I'm not bigging you up, I'm just sharing with people one example of how you can have both at the same time.
Speaker 2:I've seen you host a dinner, where it's your dinner and the ego should be saying everything should be done for me, et cetera, and you're walking around and you're pouring everyone's glass of wine. I'll never forget that in Ibiza no, it was the rooftop of the Address Beach Resort and I'm like this guy is fucking present and that, for me, is one of the greatest successes that you can have in your life is knowing how to be present in the moment. And yeah, I just want to acknowledge you for that and I know, obviously, the pressure and shit that you're under. Currently. I feel like you're always under pressure because the level of games that you play, I mean it's very inspiring. But I would love to know we spoke about environments and geography before For you, what has been, how important has it been to be in an environment and people that energize you, and what has been the cost to you in having people that have actually taken your energy away, or being in environments or environments that have taken your energy away.
Speaker 1:I mean, I've always maybe not, let's say proactive is the wrong word but I've always probably ended up in geographies that have benefited me, that have moved me forward, and never living in them long term. But even when I've been from Leeds my whole life, I've still always gone and spent time in London, gone and spent time in Vegas or Miami or wherever it's been, and I guess, put it accidentally or not, consciously, put me around great people that have either been a benefit to business or been a benefit to personal life, but the first time I really saw it in and of itself was moving to Dubai.
Speaker 1:We always sound like we're doing the PR for Dubai, don't we?
Speaker 1:But you know I mean in the four years here, you know, just being surrounded by such hungry people, you know, and that's in every area of life. And I think you know people who aren't in Dubai probably just naturally think oh, Dubai is just this city of gazillionaires and it's all you know. Money, money, money. But my friendship group and my network is a wide variety of people, from people who are, let's say, very wealthy to people who are not so wealthy. But I consider all of them successful in their own ways and that success is typically coming from a hunger and a drive and a desire to do better, which is kind of what's brought them to Dubai in the first place. I think it's not just about, you know, more money, it's about more happiness, it's about more fitness, it's about you know, it's about finding a better looking girlfriend, finding a better.
Speaker 2:Is it fair to say they're more committed to living in their values.
Speaker 1:People that come here living their values living, living the best life you know, and and I think the second part of your question was about being around people who sap that energy. I mean, look, I'd be lying if I said I never have people around me who sap energy. But I guess I've also, probably whether it's again being consciously or luckily not being in situations where someone is sapping my energy 24-7 because I guess, a I wouldn't like it to happen and B I probably wouldn't be able to be successful the rest of the time. But I think even when I have it for an hour or two or three, it becomes so much more noticeable when you're living a high-stress life and when you've got other problems.
Speaker 1:I think maybe when you're just coasting along, you probably don't notice the negativity and the energy sapping of people around you so much.
Speaker 1:But when you're always on 120 miles an hour, when you're always on the red line in whatever that may be, whether that's fitness, whether that's business, whether that's risk but when you're always pushing those limits, someone, they don't even have to be a negative force on you, they just have to not be aligned with you, not be on your same page, and you know you kind of go from that red line to, you know, putting along like a 1920s car in no time.
Speaker 1:So yeah, I mean I've probably not directly answered your question, I've kind of gone around the houses, but I think you, you know, everything for me comes back to if you, if you want to change your life, if you're very unhappy with the position that you're in now, or even if you're not unhappy, you just want more, the two easiest ways to do it are change your geography and change your circle, change your circle of friends. And if you can't change either of those things, let's say materially up in the short term, you can still make the changes by just removing a few bad, a few bad things from it.
Speaker 1:You know okay, I don't know you you live in the middle of the countryside, somewhere with limited opportunities. I will obviously say that moving to dubai is going to do you wonders. Maybe that's not a realistic change tomorrow, but you could maybe go from the middle of the countryside to a small town in england, or from a small town in england to a slightly to a slightly bigger city. You know, if you can't, if you can't get five great new friends tomorrow or five great new mentors tomorrow, you can get rid of that one twat in your circle that's. You know that there's always bringing you down and you know a way to go up is is to up, is to remove some of the things that are forcing you down. So, yes, wholesale changes are fantastic, but a little change is better than no change and that 1% a day will compound to greatness over time.
Speaker 2:I love what you said in your answer about the, the drainers and the, the energy zappers whatever you want to call them is. It's not just people that are necessarily negative, it's just average people, because they can slow you down. You know, I just wanted to kind of reiterate what you said, because people have someone listening to this or watching this, might have someone around them that's operating at 70, but if you are fully committed to living a hundred percent life, you can't have a 70 person around you, at least not in your close proximity every day. You just can't do it. And you know I have nothing but love for the mother of my child, nothing but love. I support her in every way. I've gifted her in so many ways like I just I love her so much. She's a beautiful human being. She is the greatest mother for my child.
Speaker 2:I was destined to meet her, but we just want different things in life, and for where I'm going and the highway that I'm on, I can't be going as fast as I want to be going. That puts me in the most natural state of flow being in a container with her, and she understands that. So we we want different things. So it's not about her being negative, so I really love that you shared that it's. It's not about someone just being negative. It's about are they going at the same speed and pace and are they even on the same highway as you, or you're trying to make it work together and you're going in one direction and they're trying to go in another direction? Therefore, you're fighting all the time. Uh, one more question. I love asking this question because it changes all the time, based on where we are in our life. What are your five highest values? Do you feel our?
Speaker 1:five highest values. Yeah, just so I get it right, tell me exactly what you mean by a value, what things that are important to me.
Speaker 2:The five things that matter to you most in life. Well listen, I'm from a feeling not a, not a thought.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I'm gonna give you two. I'm gonna give you two. Why not? I'm gonna give you two because because I can give you two with good reason behind them, without thinking too deep into the, into the five, because you've put me up, but you've put me on the spot.
Speaker 1:Um, being a father again has been a an amazing surprise, my amazing surprise. What I mean is I obviously listen, you know my relationship with my eldest, who's now 18 love her to bits. You know I had had the best life with her and she's given me the most enjoyment over the years, but never, really, never, really wanted any more kids, not because I didn't love what has happened between me and her, but because I always know that I'll be floating around the world unlikely to maintain a stable relationship with the mother of my next child and therefore just didn't want to put myself in a position where I would be an absentee father again or not spend enough time with the child, so never wanted to really have any more when I had this baby. It's kind of obviously brought me back into the game again and I've been able to spend a lot more time with her than I got to spend with Harley when she was younger. It's because her mum and I had split up kind of early in the game. By the way, we had an amazing relationship. She couldn't have been any more accommodating to me spending time with her, but I was backwards and forwards to Vegas, I was floating around the world and I just didn't spend as much time so loved being a father.
Speaker 1:I don't know if these are value answering questions, but also in the high stress life that I've got, and particularly this year, has been one of my toughest years probably ever in business. It doesn't matter how shit everything is. When I put down a terrible phone call or when I deal with a terrible email or whatever it may be, I turn to her who's got this, who's got nothing? But you know a completely different framing of life and total innocence and total naivety. Who just wants to drag me to the fridge to help her get a piece of cheese?
Speaker 1:and uh, yeah, and it, you know, obviously puts everything into perspective, uh, and makes makes me realize how insignificant everything, by the way, I want to say insignificant, listen, the businesses are my goals. You know. The money is something I enjoy, but it all means fuck all compared to helping her get a piece of cheese out of the fridge. I'd like to say vegan cheese, but I'd be lying.
Speaker 2:It's vegetarian, that's okay.
Speaker 1:So that's number one. And the second thing is fitness. And I say that, you know, as someone who has never had, nor probably ever will have, a six-pack. And I've had my little tubby times in the past and maybe, maybe not so tubby now, but fitness has just been such a constant in my life over the last few years, and particularly the last five or six months, where I've been embroiled in a lot of business problems and a lot of legal battles and things that have consumed my, consume my headspacespace and zapped my energy and caused me high levels of stress.
Speaker 1:It would be very easy for most I'm not saying that in a way that, oh, I'm so clever, I'm so good, because it's not me but most people, I think, would be turning to booze, would be turning to drugs and would be putting themselves to sleep at night by drowning the sorrows of the kind of terrible days that they've had or that I've been having.
Speaker 1:And for me it's kind of been completely the opposite way, that the one thing I've never allowed to fall out of my diary in this time has been my fitness, has been seeing my PT for strength or been doing the runs and stuff on my own, because I think you know, it's given me that mental clarity during the day.
Speaker 1:You know, I, during the day, I've woken up every morning to train and to feel better. And even from I said to you in a gesture earlier, but not in jest if everything goes wrong in business, then I don't want to be skinned and fat, you know, and I think you know, but it's just, I think I operate on a better level with everything else that I'm doing because I have that mental clarity, you know, because I'm not boozing, because I'm not sniffing, because I'm not, you know, because I'm training and it's making that big difference. I'm not sleeping well, I'm not sleeping as good as I could be, and that would make a lot of difference. But so two values between the fitness and and the why, and if I have more time, I think I'd think about the other three, but I don't, I don't want to force them out.
Speaker 1:I want to give you two.
Speaker 2:I love I also. You just don't want to say the value. You want to explain why it is valuable to you and why it's and why it matters to you. But family, let's, let's call uh Nellie and Hop of Harley. Family, family and fitness, my kind of guy.
Speaker 1:That's probably why we're still here years later, Bro it's always a pleasure man. Listen, jp. Was that number five, number six, number seven? Who? Knows, but I'm sure there's going to be 107 more over the weeks, months and years to come. Love having you in my life, mate, and thanks for hanging out in Dubai. No problem, and thanks for hanging out in Dubai.
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